More than 63 million people in the United States are caregivers, responsible for children, parents, and loved ones. Nearly half of caregivers under 50 are simultaneously caring for both a parent and a child. Many also juggle jobs and other life demands, leading to exhaustion. While burnout is often associated with work, caregiving for a loved one can be equally draining.
Understanding Secondhand Stress
Amy Goyer, AARP's National Family and Caregiving Expert, has personal experience with this exhaustion. She has been a caregiver since her 20s, first for her grandparents, then for her parents and sister. She describes feeling like she was living four people's lives. Goyer explains that secondhand stress is the emotional strain of being with someone experiencing pain or trauma. Caregivers may absorb the anxiety, sadness, and frustration of their loved ones, almost like catching an emotion. This phenomenon, known as secondhand stress, adds to the normal stress of caregiving.
Recognizing Burnout
Unlike a job, caregiving for a loved one cannot be easily abandoned. Wanting to walk away is a major red flag. Goyer shares a personal philosophy: she realized she was running on empty, like a car with no gas. She learned to identify what fills her tank—small fill-ups like stretching, walking, calling a friend, or joining an online caregiving group. She also kept fresh flowers and attended Pilates weekly, canceling only for true emergencies. Her key lesson: she can do anything but not everything. Outsourcing tasks is essential.
Financial Strain of Caregiving
Finances are a major stressor. Despite her parents' planning, Goyer absorbed costs beyond their budget, leading to credit card debt and eventually bankruptcy. She advises caregivers to explore benefits like veterans' benefits or long-term care insurance. Contacting the local area agency on aging can help with applications for energy bill assistance and case management. Having a personal financial adviser is crucial. Long-distance caregivers often spend more due to travel and paying others for tasks.
Navigating Relationships and Emotions
Goyer emphasizes the importance of mindset. She recommends counseling and caregiver support groups for emotional relief. If she could advise her younger self, she would say to relax and focus on controlling her mindset rather than the disease. Attitude makes a significant difference in how caregivers cope, often more than resources.
For more information, listen to the full episode of Explain It to Me on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Submit questions to askvox@vox.com or call 1-800-618-8545.
